Today I fretted about what to post on Instagram. I hadn’t taken any pictures worthy to be in one of the little squares in six days! I had to post something! Scrolling through my Facebook albums to find a “good enough picture”. I suddenly stopped. So, what if I don’t have something to share every day. Does anybody really care?
This morning I finished Grace Not Perfection. (highly recommend, for the record) And, it ended with a chapter about contentment. Something I’m sure we all struggle with in the age of social media.
We see all these perfectly put together feeds. The perfect outfits. The happiest kids. Living out perfectly candid and happy lives through the perfect filter. It’s hard not to envy that.
Truthfully, I want that. I label myself as blogger. Use the hashtags. And, swoon over all “the others” dreaming that one day my feed will have the perfect cohesive feed. A K by the number of my followers. And, some [ad]s. Then, I’ll be a successful Instagram mom. Then I’ll be making money as a SAHM. I’ll be living the dream. Then I’ll be content.
But, this morning as I snuck out from under a sleeping babe. Downstairs for some coffee and reading time alone. The word contentment struck my heart. This is what I always wanted.
Growing up I never had a dream career. There was nothing I wanted to be when I grew up. Besides a mom. My dream was that I would be with my kids in their young years. So, I wouldn’t have to miss any moments. But, that I would also be bringing in some income. And, ya know what? I’ve been doing that ever since I became a mom! I have been a nanny, bringing my baby(s) along since my first was 6 weeks old.
Our bills are always paid. Our food is mostly organic, like I always wanted. We eat out on the regular. And, I very rarely have to say no to my fancy coffee. ( Even that’s after I’ve gone through Starbs multiple times that week). It isn’t until I see someone who has “more” or “better” that I feel discontent.
When I start looking at these squares for what the dream is when I start feeling like I need to be doing more. I envy the moms hustling those direct sales because they are bringing in so much a month just from their phone. What’s not to envy? Or, the full time bloggers who make a living at home writing content. I could do that. But, the truth is I don’t want to hustle. And, while I’m proud of the posts whenever I hit publish, some weeks there’s just not much to say.
Right now, in this season I want to practice contentment. I want to appreciate my part time hours. And, being with my babies 24/7. I want to be okay to just sit and scroll through social media or Pinterest. I want to be content in our mundane life, because this was all I ever dreamed of. While, I may never bring in 6 figures a month from home. But, if it means I get to lay down with my baby during nap, instead of stressing about meeting this month’s deadlines. That’s more than okay.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with goals. Or, hustling towards them. I don’t even think there’s anything wrong with dreaming of your wishlists. But, when you start missing your good stuff, because of what you see portrayed online, is when there’s a red flag. There will always be something else. Or, somebody who has it better. But, just because there is more or better, doesn’t mean what you have isn’t enough.
So, in this moment I’m content in the chaos of our house. It means the boys have toys to play with. I’m content with our four over flowing laundry baskets because it means we more than enough clothes. And, the running water to keep them clean. I’m thankful for work on a Saturday because it means we’ll have groceries this week. And, our energy bill without a worry. I will practice living in contentment, because I never dreamed of having all the things, but I did dream of having all the things I have now.